My Child Has Frequent Tantrums - What Should I Do?
Calming Tantrums with Emotional Tools That Actually Work
Meltdowns and tantrums are common in toddlers and preschoolers, but that doesn’t make them easier to handle. If your child struggles with emotional outbursts, aggressive reactions, or shutting down, they may be experiencing emotional dysregulation, a normal part of development where big feelings overwhelm their ability to cope.
And here’s the good news: You can help. Not by “fixing” the behavior, but by guiding your child toward regulation through emotional connection.
What Helps:
Stay calm – Your steady presence is the first step. Easier said than done, we know—but through a process called co-regulation, you help your child borrow your calm until they can find their own.
- Use emotion coaching – Name what they’re feeling: “I see you’re really mad because we have to leave. That’s okay. I feel mad sometimes too.”
This validates their experience and lowers emotional intensity. - Problem-solve later – After the storm passes, talk it through together: “Next time, let’s try a five-minute warning before we go.”
- Offer calming tools – Kids need safe ways to release emotions. Use bubble breaths (slow, deep breaths like blowing bubbles), sensory fidgets, squishy dough, or stomp-it-out movements to regulate safely.
Helpful Emotional Phrases:
- “You’re feeling upset—I’m here.”
- “It’s hard, isn’t it? Let’s breathe together.”
- “I hear that you’re angry. I feel angry sometimes too.”
These short scripts help build emotional literacy, giving your child the words to understand their internal world.
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Why Is My Child Aggressive With Other Kids?
Understanding Aggression and Teaching Safe Emotional Expression
Hitting, biting, pushing, yelling; these behaviors can leave parents feeling frustrated or concerned. But here’s the truth: Aggression in early childhood is often a cry for help, not a sign of “bad behavior.” It’s a sign that your child is struggling to process big feelings without the skills or words to do so yet.
Research shows that children who lack emotional vocabulary, impulse control, or coping tools are more likely to lash out when overwhelmed. And the good news? You can help them build those tools.
What You Can Do:
- Stay calm – Your calmness helps your child regulate their nervous system
- Set clear, safe boundaries: “It’s okay to be angry, but hitting hurts. Let’s find a better way to show how you feel.”
- Model emotion coaching : Name their feeling and validate it
- Teach alternatives: Try deep breathing, squeeze a fidget, stomp on a pillow, or use emotion cards to communicate
When children learn to express anger in safe ways, they develop emotional literacy and empathy skills that prevent future aggression.
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My Child Struggles With Bedtime Fears - What Can Help?
Turning Nighttime Anxiety Into Calm, Comforting Connection
It’s common for young children to experience
bedtime fears, especially between ages 2 and 8. Their imagination is growing faster than their emotional regulation skills, which can make darkness, separation, or even silence feel overwhelming.
Research shows that predictable, emotionally safe bedtime routines reduce bedtime anxiety, resistance to sleep, and night waking. And the key? It’s not just what you do; it’s how emotionally available you are while doing it.
What You Can Do:
- Validate their fear without amplifying it: “I know it feels scary right now, but you’re safe and I’m here.”
- Use calm, predictable routines, same order, same tone, every night
- Add visual tools (like a feelings chart or storybook about bravery)
- Include sensory play before bed: soft textures, dim lighting, gentle movement
These routines lower cortisol, increase melatonin, and help your child’s nervous system shift from “alert” to “rest mode.”
Helpful Bedtime Phrases:
- “You’re safe here in your bed.”
- “I’ll stay until you feelcomfortable.”
- “Let’s think about something happy to help you sleep.”
- “Let’s use our calm-down toy to help your body feel peaceful.”
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My Toddler Won’t Share -What should I do?
Teaching Sharing Through Empathy, Play, and Practice
It’s perfectly normal for toddlers and preschoolers to struggle with sharing. Why? Because sharing requires emotional skills that are still developing, like empathy, impulse control, and an understanding of ownership.
Rather than expecting instant cooperation, it helps to focus on modeling, taking turns, and gentle encouragement. According to Brownell et al. (2013), young children learn prosocial behavior through repeated observation, emotional connection, and playful opportunities to practice kindness.
What You Can Do:
- Narrate your own sharing actions aloud: “I’m giving you a turn with my pen. Now it’s your turn!”
- Introduce taking turns before full-on sharing
- Praise efforts, not just outcomes: “That was kind of you to wait for your turn!”
- Avoid shaming or forcing; cooperation grows through positive modeling, not pressure
Over time, this builds not only sharing skills but also trust, empathy, and self confidence.
Helpful Phrases to Try:
- “It’s your turn first, then your friend’s.”
- “Sharing can be tough; you’re doing a great job trying!”
- “Let’s figure out how to play together.”
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My Child Seems Anxious or Worried Often - How Can I Help?
Calming Worries Through Connection, Predictability, and Play
Anxiety in young children may not always look like worry, it can show up as clinginess, stomachaches, perfectionism, or frequent "what if?" questions. That’s because kids don’t always have the words to express their fear or uncertainty yet.
Research shows that children benefit most from a predictable environment, emotional validation, and play-based calming tools. In fact, mindfulness and deep breathing have been shown to reduce childhood anxiety (Semple et al., 2005).
What You Can Do:
- Open the door to talk about feelings: “Can you share what you’re feeling? I’m here to listen.”
- Validate without minimizing: “It’s okay to feel worried sometimes. Let’s find a way to feel safe together.”
- Use visual supports and tactile tools like calming jars, dough, and emotion cards
- Create predictable routines and safe transitions between activities and environments
These strategies help children regulate their nervous system, build emotional literacy, and feel secure enough to explore and learn.
Helpful Phrases:
- “Let’s take some calming breaths together.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “Let’s create a calm moment together with our tools.”
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My Child Has Trouble Focusing and Sitting Still - What could Help?
Tools to Build Attention, Focus, and Calm—One Step at a Time
If your child struggles to stay focused, sit still, or finish tasks, you're not alone. Many kids especially in stimulating environments; need movement, structure, and sensory regulation to stay engaged.
Focus challenges don’t always mean something is “wrong.” Often, children just need support learning how to shift between activity and rest, or how to manage internal energy.
According to Diamond & Lee (2011), sensory tools, short breaks, and mindfulness practices can greatly improve children's attention and self-regulation.
What You Can Do:
- Create structured yet flexible routines that include regular short breaks
- Use tactile play, such as kneading dough, sorting textures, or fidget tools to help the brain reset
- Practice simple mindfulness exercises like slow belly breathing, countdown calming, or "focus jars"
These tools help improve executive functioning, working memory, and the ability to follow through, especially for kids with ADHD, sensory sensitivities, or high energy.
Helpful Phrases:
- “Let’s take a quick stretch break, then we can try again.”
- “I see you’re having trouble concentrating, let’s take a deep breath together.”
- “You’re doing great. Let’s keep going one step ata time.”
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